glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Randomize
