dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
