I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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