And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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