I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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