his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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