Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
