so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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