Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
