First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
