He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
