I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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