Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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