even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
