I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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