there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
