I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
