I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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