How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
