16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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