If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
