I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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