I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
