I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
