I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
