wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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