I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
