is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i think i just lost a toe
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