he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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