I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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