he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
