That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
