Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
