Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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