Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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