I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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