I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
