Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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