She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
