the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize