Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How's work?
Spinning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
