I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a beard to bite.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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