Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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