he shaved USA in his pubs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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