That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
