dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
