Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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