i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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