my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
