he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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