Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
