Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
