Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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