I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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