mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
