where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize