allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
