I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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