we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
