I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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