Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
