peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do vagina's smell?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
